The Power of Prayer

As someone who is new to God and new to prayer, I realized today that one of the reasons I struggle with prayer is because it seemed so needy.  There are people suffering all over the world, why should I ask God to help me?  Today I realized that in addition to asking God to help us in our lives, we can also ask God to give us the strength and guidance to do his work.  We can ask God to help others.  In addition, praying helps us build a relationship with God. Though I have not been praying for very long, I have found that when I am praying, ideas come to me, both about things I need to pray for and also what feels like guidance from God.  My concern about asking for God's help is an artifact of my previous misconceptions about God.  God is there for all of us.  There is nothing wrong with asking for God's help. There is nothing wrong with being needy.  God may not answer our prayers the way we expect, but praying opens us up to God's love and allows us to find our footing.  Sometimes all we need is to reach out to God and be vulnerable so that we can feel his love.  

Finding Peace

Many of us have a difficult time being at peace with ourselves. Even though we have God's forgiveness, sometimes concern about messes that we have made in the past or fear we might make in the future can prevent us from feeling at peace. Sometimes we don't even realize this is the cause of our anxiety and unrest. If we can identify the source of our angst and find a way to forgive ourselves and atone for our mistakes, though it might make our lives uncomfortable in the short term, over the long term we will be more at peace. Find 40 Graces for Forgiveness: A Healing Journey at: https://www.amazon.com/40-Graces-Forg...

Is God There?

A few people have asked me why God is there for me but not for them.  I used to ask the same question.  I saw people who seemed filled with the love of God but God wasn't there for me.  God is there for all of us, but in order to "feel" God, we have to commit to a relationship with God.  The more we build our relationship with God the more we feel God's presence in our lives.  There were four things I had to do in order to accept God's love.  I had to be willing to commit to God's rules, identify what I needed to be forgiven for and ask for forgiveness, devote myself to building a relationship with God,  and find a supportive Christian community.  I am new on this path but I am actively building my new identity as a child of God.

Left Ideology vs Christian Ideology

The left is increasingly attacking Christians. As someone who was steeped in leftist ideology for most of my life, I decided to compare the ideology of the left with Christianity. Which ideology promotes healthier and safer communities? Which ideology promotes love and acceptance? Which ideology is more tolerant? Though the Left has historically claimed to be loving and tolerant it isn't and the Left encourages risky, unhealthy behaviors.

PS...I engage in creative spelling at times. :)

God Gives Me Boundaries

I have always been afraid of people. I have no close friends and tend to avoid social situations. I realized it is because I don't have the boundaries I need to keep myself safe and healthy. Part of my relationship with God is agreeing to follow his rules. These rules provide me the guidance I need to set boundaries. Being in a community of Christians provides me with a safe place surrounded by people who respect and follow God's rules and encourage and expect me to as well.

Day 1-40 Graces for Forgiveness: A Healing Journey

My dear friend Maria Keffler wrote a book called 40 Graces for Forgiveness: A Healing Journey.  After reading the first "grace" I was overwhelmed with feelings and realizations.  This book, along with the support of all those who have been praying for me and giving me support in other ways have been invaluable as I start this new journey. 

Maria's book can be found at: https://www.amazon.com/40-Graces-Forgiveness-Healing-Journey/dp/1521011230/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1492277336&sr=8-3&keywords=maria+keffler

At The Trailhead: Beginning A Life with God

I made this video after attending the Alpine Church. They filled me with God's love during the service and then sent me home with a box of love from the congregation.

Sharing My Journey

Only a few months ago I was not just agnostic, but anti-religion, anti-god anti-faith.  I raged against God, saying God was responsible for injustice and cruelty.
Look at all the so called Christians, I would think to myself, picking out any example of bad behavior on the part of a Christian to reinforce my belief that religion made people bad.  Of course, I was able to ignore all the Christians doing incredible things around the world, providing medical care to the sick, food to the hungry, and education to children.  I was able to dismiss these good deeds as "imperialistic."
Those of us who yearn for social justice forget that when people are provided with health care and food and education they are more likely to escape poverty.  Somehow, us liberals want to preserve the conditions that brought about poverty while at the same time lifting people out of poverty.  We condemn Christians for their efforts because they change the people they minister to.
So I want to share my journey even though it is uncomfortable and likely to reveal more about myself that I feel comfortable because I know that there are others like me, kind hearted loving people who believe that fighting for social justice means fighting against Christianity.
I have felt alone for a very long time. Vulnerable. Heavyhearted. Unlovable.
I have not taken good care of myself.  I have taken absurd risks with my health and safety. I have put myself in dangerous situations. I have been fighting to make sense of my life that seemed to be nothing but trauma and pain.
And then I asked a myself a question, "What is the worse possible thing that could happen if I opened my heart to God?"
Something stirred in me.  A softening of my heart. An openness.
The worst thing that could happen was that my deepest fear would be realized.  What if I opened myself up to God and was rejected?  What if I really am unlovable?
In an unpredictable and completely unexpected serious of events, I ended up around amazing people who believe in God.  Upon hearing that I didn't believe in God they responded with love saying "you may not believe in him, but he believes in you."
I was reassured that God could forgive me of things that even I couldn't forgive of myself.  I was assured that God loves me.
I decided to risk it.
I decided to ask God into my life.
I hope that my journey might reach the hearts of others who, like me, were wanting to be good, do good, bring good in the world but struggle with feelings of loneliness or emptiness or hopelessness.

Introduction

My parents were divorced.  Right before I started Kindergarten my mother, brother, me and our cat Purley got on a plan in San Francisco and landed in Salt Lake City, Utah.  The best man at my parent's wedding picked us up and took us to his small adobe house on the outskirts of the city. My mom told me many times that my dad didn't want a girl, that he didn't love me.
Losing my dad was incredibly painful. 
Not long after while my brother and I were playing together, we were abducted by two men. I was sexually assaulted as my brother watched. 
When I heard about God, a Heavenly Father,  all I felt was betrayal and longing.
Why didn't my dad love me?
Why didn't God protect me?
For most of my life I would joke about not having the "god gene."  I was sure I was wired differently. Other people felt God, but not me. 
He wanted nothing to do with me.
I wasn't good enough for him. 
I realize now that the way I talked about God, both to others and to myself, showed that I actually did believe in God.  I couldn't feel like God had forsaken me if he didn't exist.